WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING ON TO?
Recently I had a conversation with a lady, who shared that she had been deeply hurt by someone in her family over thirty years ago. As she talked about how this person disappointed her, I could hear in her voice that she was still very angry. I had also noticed that she never has anything positive to say in regard to this person. It’s almost always a negative comment when she mentions their name. In my opinion, her unresolved anger has turned into bitterness.
The interesting thing about all of this is, the person that she is so angry with, does not have a clue that she is upset because she never shared with them, how they made her feel. So many times, this is the case, and unless we are willing to swallow our pride and open up about our feelings, most people will walk away from us not even knowing that they just hurt our feelings.
If you have been hurt or even betrayed by someone, I have 10 tips of advice for you.
- Don’t walk around angry and bitter. Pray and ask God to help you to forgive the person that offended you. Try to release any ill feelings and resentment that you may have towards that person.
- Don’t allow your past to hold your future hostage. Move on, let it go!
- Be patient with those who offend you. Remember that hurting people, hurt people.
- Don’t talk about the person that offended you. (A sexual offense is different, however.) If you are being sexually offended, by all means talk to someone ASAP)
Set up a time to talk directly with the person that offended you. (Unless it’s a sexual offense, in which case you will want to have a professional course involved as a mediator). Pray and ask God to give you the right words for this difficult conversation, so that things go smoothly.
- Even though you may not agree, be willing to listen to the other person’s point of view.
- Seek God’s will on the correct timing to have the conversation.
Know that if God has forgiven the person that offended you, you can too. At some point you will probably offend someone. Forgive the way you will want to be forgiven.
- Pray for your offender.
- Remember that unresolved anger can affect your health. It can raise your blood pressure, cause stress as well as anxiety in your body. It can also drain you of your energy. Our bodies were not meant to be containers for anger but love.
- Read your scriptures regarding anger and bitterness. Know what God says about anger.
Proverbs 19:11
11 A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
Colossians 3:8
8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.
Proverbs 16:32
32 Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.
Matthew 5:22
22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister[a][b] will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’[c] is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.
Proverbs 14:29
29 Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.
Ephesians 4:26-27
26 “In your anger do not sin”[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:31-32
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Hebrews 12:14-15
14 Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
Colossians 3:13
13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Romans 12:19
19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[a] says the Lord.
Matthew 6:14-15
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
